slipping...

i wish i had more time.

or better yet...

an opportunity to open up

down here.

inspired

Simply amazed by Stina Perrson's work.

My Pursuit of Happyness or Rather...

Why does Firefox hate me so?

So my portfolio website is finally up and running. With little knowledge and skill, I was able to muster up a website. This would be the second time building a website from scratch and I still come across the same problem. Every web browser has no issues with my site, but Firefox seems to have a vendetta against me. I just don't know how to fix it. Eventually, I'll have someone take a look at it and aid me in eliminating this problem. But other than that check out my work; peep it at: www.shake-the-can.com (best view in any browser except firefox)

Graduating a quarter early, I get a jump start in my "pursuit of happyness", or practically, a job that supports myself. Like Will Smith's character, I am seeking an opportunity to "shine" my creative talents and put it to use to support myself. But man the job market is tough. Searching, ciphering, assessing, applying, waiting. This is going to be a long game of persistence. It's such a weird paradigm shift, this weird twilight zone of student/unemployed. I have never felt so stricken with anxiety and uneasiness. It's getting harder and harder for me to sleep at night; restlessness surges through my mind. With so much time in my hands, it sifts right through. It's incredibly frustrating to put in a lot of effort and time job searching and applying to waiting for a reply back from employers. It's a bit unnerving; I suppose that's what keeps me up. I just wished to be hired right now. hahaha

But I am glad that I am blessed with an internship doing graphic illustrations. I guess it keeps me busy for the most part of the day. Ugh.. hopefully a full-time job offer arises soon; the imminent future has never felt so dreary.

Well... back to the lab and work out some art stuff.

clinically unmotivated

Which aisle could I find a prescription for this symptom?

As my final quarter of my college career slowly fades, my lethargy supersedes me. Though this quarter's courses interests me dearly, there is no drive to busy myself in them. Perhaps it's the fear of the future that stricken me? Or the dwindling flame that fuels my creative blood? So many projects to get started. So many projects to work on. So many projects to finish. In this awkward transition between student to professional, the necessary workload just seems too abundant to tackle. As much as I know I should re-prioritize, I would much rather work on the less pressing and immediate issues. If deadlines were too distant, I would waste too much time on the menial and procrastinate. At this point, I do not want to make definite decisions, fearing that I would close away other options. I simply want to stop and do nothing. To simply lay away and let time go by, I am clinically unmotivated. This is my definite downfall and disease.

I guess it frustrates me even more, not knowing what I am going to do exactly for my exhibition piece for my Senior Exhibition class. As I talked with P. Chi on Saturday, it seems my artistic endeavors are stuck where my artistic philosophies are non-apparent. As much style and "talent" that I have, where is the purpose? Honestly, I have no idea what to express. What is it that I want to truly share? What experience(s) demand imagery from these crude hands? This artistic rut is only the shadow of a bigger crisis. Not only affecting academically, but indefinitely "professionally". I have no clear direction of a career path. I'm sitting in the green patch merely gazing at the map and hesitantly peering at the numerous obstacles that I have to cross. Sooner or later. I have about less than a month to get started on this exhibition piece. I checked out books and sticky-ed pages that somewhat "inspire" me, but the recurring issue is what do I want to paint on my panel. Reading through each artist's goals and motivations in their works, I envy them greatly. I covet it. I want it. I need it.

Hopefully, mine will arise soon...