I apologize for the disorganized thoughts that I have, but these thoughts inspired and instigated me to express them into words that goes the following...
This past of couple of weeks has been an awakening and, in some sense, a revelation. It's like a series of epiphanies and realizations that hit me day by day. I sat back and gazed into the mirror to reflect over my life. I know for a fact that I am different in comparison to the person who I was last year in my sophomore year in college. Heck! Even comparing myself to a couple months ago, it is significantly different to the present me.
The catalyst to the series of epiphanies and realizations started from a simple car ride with Powl. It started with a simple observation that he made. Started with a simple statement: "You look more happier than usual". The moment those words came out of his mouth, I knew I am (not was) a lot happier. And without a doubt, it is because of Grace. Ever since coming to exodus3, I have been fed with Truth and the Gospel. I have taken shelter at exodus3 to recover from the cuts and wounds from my own journey and personal pursuit. Under exodus3, I have been blessed and enjoying the simple truth of Jesus. Focusing solely on Jesus Christ has definitely gave me peace, but it was not until this past couple of weeks that I fully realized it. Because of God's Grace, I can thoroughly enjoy my relationship with God. Because of Jesus Christ, I am no longer under the bondage and condemnation of the Law. This newfound happiness that I have is because of Jesus. And because of that enjoyment, I can see how evident God is in my life. I definitely know God has directed me to exodus3 and provided me so many opportunities to learn and grow. He has provided me so many doors to take, such as being part of the worship team through learning the drums and people that I can fellowship and share the things that I learn and enjoy. It's like my eyes have been made clearer, and I can see how God has directed my life.
I noticed the small changes that took effect. One thing is for sure, I never really was into listening worship and praise music; I'm always rockin' out to old school hip hop tracks and funk wonders. But now, I listen to it all now. It was funny, Pastor Arnold would be like"whoa, this isn't your car." 'cause I'd be usually be bumpin' to some A Tribe Called Quest, but instead Starfield rings through the speakers of my car. I'm more carefree, not worried about a lot of things 'cause I know God has my back and is my never failing support. I no longer worry about "performing", in a sense of where I'm expect myself to perform in perfection. Take drumming during worship for an example, I know I mess up so many times, but it doesn't faze me. I just play, enjoy, and worship. No need to strive to perform in front of people. I'm more passionate, in a sense, and more motivated. Before, there were ideas and goals that I wanted to strive for, but motivation and the push wasn't there in me. Now, I'm more motivated to go work out (with the best of my abilities to be consistent....sometimes) and getting back into dance (after like a year hiatus). There's this desire to share, like it just naturally comes out. I spent 2 hours on the phone with my brother on Monday, basically telling him to just enjoy Jesus. It's pretty much all we need: to believe and enjoy. Everything else will just naturally flow and come out. It's soo simple. I cannot believe I overlooked the simplicity of my relationship with God: enjoy.
This has been the joy that (literally) my soul wants to proclaim. This (somewhat) brief testimony of just enjoying God and fully understanding His Grace just needed to get out of my system. To sum it up, it's absolutely insane and wonderful to feel this way because of something so simple: enjoy Jesus Christ.
